2 years later.. Give me something different PLEASE!

Oh.. so this might be where the secret blog will live. I don't know why I've conditioned myself to hold so much of this in. Oh man.. its hard to even get motivated to start writing. To just get some stuff off my mind. Of course up there on the list is dating and relationship stuff. I mean hey.. Im sure there are plenty of women out there ranting and raving about the same. But I'm still having a hard time just letting it go..

Could it be... that its just too Much Trouble ?

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Date:: Thu, 01 Mar 2007 19:04:04 -0800
From:: mscraigslist@mac.com
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To:: Miss
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You know.. I've never really thought of it this way.. I'm sure guys do all the time.. and what I'm talking about.. something just being too much work. I think a lot of woman (not all, but alot) tend to be willing to put in some extra effort to try to make something good happen.. verses .. the whole.. Whatever happens happens line.. that some many folks roll with..

As much as I can understand that whatever happens concept.. I do know that when I am interested in someone.. I'll try to give things a bit more thought.. a lil more effort.. and hopefully after spending some fun time with that someone.. you'll see if it was worth it.. you'll learn if you like spending time etc.. and then the "whatever" just "happens'

Well I was chatting with a old male friend of mine.. who just so happens to be getting married in April I believe... and every time we chat.. which isn't very often now that we dont work together (we've worked together at two different companies over the years) he always asks me: "How's the love life or dating etc?" and.. I can't remember the last time I was like.. its Great David! I've met this wonderful guy.. and we're just dating, spending time together.. seeing how it goes.. I see him when I can.. and he sees me when he can.. blah blah blah.. Instead.. its seems that there lately has always been some sort of story..

He's canceled on me last minute, he flashed on me because he thought I was ignoring him, (though I think that he just wanted to make sure where he stood with me) stopped really calling me after the first few times we hung out together, complains about the hour or so drive between us...

I can't just meet someone.. and just let it flow.. Now who's fault is that.. ??? hell I dont know.. Something that I think about.. so what happens if I just don't pay attention.. and dont put in any effort.. then I'll be just like a great majority of men.. right? and that seems easier.. far more easier.. but the problem is.. I'm not really that way.. shit If I like you.. I might be inclined to call you. .now and again.. to want to see you.. on a somewhat regular basis..

I do believe in having your own space.. doing your own thang.. especially when you are just getting to know someone.. but.. Shouldn't I take notice of blatant signs..

Like canceling on me showing very little regard for my time.. not returning calls, just not even calling when we are suppose to get together.. yeah I can go live my life.. and thats probably part of the problem.. I shouldn't be worried about the next person..

But I know.. when someone wants to spend time.. You do what you gotta do.. that doesn't mean you always overextend yourself.. or just do too much to make it happen.. but the bottom line is that it happens.. when you have a genuine desire to see each other.. its not something anyone has to question.. you dont have to worry about folks flaking on you all the time.. its like.. Hey.. are you free.. and the other person.. is like yes or no.. and you either figure out when is a good time.. or just wait till a good time comes along.. but what ends up happening.. is "it Happens" you see each other..

So where am I going with all of this..

Well..

My soon to be Married friend.. told me.. that "Its too much work" and I've heard dudes talk about that before.. you know..a female just being too much work.. too much trouble.. etc.. but I can't say that any of the females that I've known to ever say.. "Hey.. he's just too much work... !"

As much as I hate to admit it.. because I like this one.. a lot.. (at least for as much as I can with out really knowing him) this might just be too much trouble.. it shouldn't be so hard to try to get together and see each other. I can see if you have serious transportation issues or some crazy work schedule.. etc etc.. or hell lived in different part of the State.. but I know I'm worth the lil journey.. and I'm not opposed to putting in effort and coming their way.. but there has to be something wrong if you do have free time but you just don't make it happen. It must be because you dont want too..

::sigh:

Me.. playing games..

So.. I was just accused of playing games.. because I don't want to deal with a guy who is interested in hanging out for the primary purpose of having sex. Now.. I can say that I understand his points.. which mainly pointed out that "HE" hadn't said to me that I was just a piece of ass.. and that it was me.. who I suppose was complicating things..

His thought process was ... since the possibility of Mrs Right coming along was slim.. then why not just have fun and have sex.. and be honest about it. I mean its not a bad idea.. and it beats being lied too.. but I wan't more than that.. I've already had sex with him twice.. and honestly it wasn't enough to want to keep me coming back. I could see if we had just a really great time together.. as for our interaction.. if the conversation was great.. or he could really make me laugh..or if he just put it down on me.. but each time.. he was drinking.. I didn't have an orgasm and it was lights out for him when he was done. Actually, he watched some TV show he'd saved to his computer.. as I just sat there.. so I slept.. and woke up in the morning and left. Why stick around.. the 1st time I came and "chilled" with him.. he was like.. hey call me later and we'll hang out and do something.. Real.. and I called.. and he didn't answer nor return my call at all.. so.. I don't even know why I went back...

Well I kinda do.. and it was for the wrong reason. You know.. I wonder if I'm asking for too much.. am I the one who is pushing guys away.. but.. I mean.. I don't think my wants and desires are asking for too much... Lets hang out.. have fun.. if the chemistry is like that then.. do other things.. but.. I just don't like idea that it will never turn into anything.. even if we ended up hella cool friends.. and really had some sort of arrangement.. that just worked. . .. I need at least our interactions to be fun.. not misleading.. or just blah.. such as me.. laying there after sex.. frustrated because He's done already.. and isn't giving me any dayum attention.

I'm not going to just turn into this ultra aggressive female.. I mean.. maybe if I'm 35 and still single with no kids.. I'll probably be like fuck it.. and just take some ass when I want it and go about my way... but right now.. I want to feel that the person I'm spending my spare time with.. and sharing my body with. . . really have a cool vibe. What kinda statement.. is No one told you to leave.. its like.. HELLO.. something is missing right about now..

So I will admit that after the chat... I was a bit disappointed.. but in a different way I felt.. like.. people are full of shit.. ha.. . . dammit.. I'm not asking for too much.. I'm probably lowering my standards.. just to seem rational.. and reasonable..